Returning to the US

Being back home is very VERY weird. I've been back for almost exactly three weeks now and I still don't totally feel adjusted.

I had ten hectic days at home - filled with family time and seeing all of the friends I hadn't seen in months (not that it's unusual for me to go months without seeing my friends at home). Upon getting home, the first thing I noticed is that everything seems HUGE. Even Longmont, which has always felt pretty small to me, seemed expansive since everything is so spread out. The streets are wider and even the sky seems bigger, as odd as that sounds. My mom laughed at me when I woke up the first morning and was amazed that there was SUN shining in my window. I don't think I had properly seen the sun in months - and the sky is SO blue. I'm still in awe every day of that Colorado blue sky. I'm also very happy to have my mountains again, and my sense of direction along with them.

It was very wonderful to see everyone and to be at home, but I felt very unsettled the entire time knowing that in less than two weeks I would be moving my life again. I didn't even really unpack my suitcases - I just dug around and was frustrated with ten days of not being able to find anything. This year I decided to bring a lot less stuff with me to DU - I realized if I can live out of two suitcases for almost five months, I probably don't need my boxes and boxes of belongings to fill my room. The next step is probably giving it all away, but I'll get there in time.

Seeing my family was wonderful. My brother was much nicer to me than when I left - I think he was just so grateful and happy to have me home again :) talking to my parents again was nice, though I know I wasn't the best to be around when I first got home. I had also really missed my goofball of a sister :) it was very odd to be living in a family again and have to account for everyone else's schedules and feelings - even for just a very short time.

A little over a week ago, I moved back in to Johnson McFarlane (Jmac), or the building I've called home for the past three years. I still feel a bit like I'm living in an alternate universe, though it was worse when I didn't have classes yet. The day after I moved in, I had Resident Assistant Winter Training. The other RA's are unbelievably nice and were very welcoming towards me. I'm having to accept though that things just won't be the same as last year. I came during the middle of the year, and while I feel very accepted, I haven't had the weeks of training and trial-and-error bonding of the first quarter like last year. I also still haven't met a good portion of my residents, because college isn't hugely new to them anymore and they've already found their place and friend groups. Which is completely fine and honestly makes my job a lot easier, but it's just not the same bond as I had with my residents last year. It's also very odd to see different RA's in the same rooms that my friends lived in last year. I still think of it as "Sonora's room" or "Julieta's room."

I've realized that being an RA has become a lot less of my identity. Last year I felt like I knew so many more people and they all knew I was an RA, albeit a very lax one, and it was just who I was. Now I know NO ONE on campus in general and no one I live with knows I'm an RA - so they talk about partying in front of me, which I find highly entertaining. None of this is bad, just very weird and very different from last year.

I have been very grateful to see my friends here again - I have been much more excited to see everyone than I expected. It's been odd not to have everyone living on campus anymore, but this also provides me with many different places to go to get away when I need a break from everything. Talking about abroad is weird though, because everyone has had such huge and profound experiences that no one really know where to begin.

Little random thoughts: 
Toilets are so confusing! I spent about a week looking for the little lever on the top with its water saving function, instead of the shiny silver handle on the side.

I immensely miss my little Swedish phrases. I have no one to say "tack för idag" or "tjena!" to on a regular basis.

I also realllllllly miss hearing Swedish everywhere I go. It became really soothing and familiar for me. I realize how odd it is that I can now eavesdrop on everyone's conversations because I actually understand the language they're speaking. I don't really like it.

I have internet EVERYWHERE! I'm still in the mentality of getting online once I'm home since that's when I'll have wifi - but that is definitely not the case. It's kind of nice though - I do feel less of a dependency on my phone than I did before abroad.

It's already harder than I expected to keep in touch with my friends from abroad. Though we are very fortunate to have technology, its just not the same as talking every day and seeing each other in passing. There are a couple people I still talk to pretty regularly, but everyone else I just see on my Facebook Newsfeed and wonder how they're doing. Being in person is so vastly different from being in different countries and I already don't like it.

I surprisingly miss dancing a lot. Going to the club every weekend became an outlet for extra energy and just feeling great. Dancing here is definitely not the same, nor is going out.

People here feel much more judgmental than they did abroad - and the conversations I overhear tend to be more shallow (though this may be because I can actually understand the language here). I understand why people abroad feel the way they do about the US, though obviously everyone is different and there are many exceptions to the rule. I miss living in such a diverse, accepting environment. At the same time, I'm finding that I care less about what people thing upon returning, and I feel more accepting of peoples' differences.

I can't legally drink anymore - at least for 3.5 months. I'm not really all that upset - I don't drink a huge amount to begin with and I like being 20. It's just mildly annoying that my friends can all go for a casual beer now and I can't join because I'm slightly younger.

I miss cooking for myself SO MUCH. The dining hall sucks. I ate soooooo much healthier when I controlled what I ate all the time, because I honestly prefer vegetables and fish over most things. I'm just going to use all of my friends' kitchens.

Running at altitude SUCKS. At first it didn't bother me when I went with Brian - it was a little more difficult but not terrible. When I went to the gym in Denver (slightly higher altitude than Longmont) I thought I was going to stop breathing/pass out. Can't wait for this to pass.

I feel much more homesick for Lund than I ever did for the US when I went abroad - probably because I knew I would be returning.

My friendships with people here really have changed and not in a way I expected them to. None of the changes are necessarily bad, there are just some people I bonded with a lot more while I was gone and some who have faded a bit. I also find myself evaluating my friendships, probably because I found such wonderful people abroad and I do feel like I have a different outlook on life. Some of the friends I had before just aren't quite in line with my beliefs and such anymore.

Surprisingly enough, I miss having friends who speak all different languages. At first it was something that made me a bit homesick for the US, but now I miss just hearing the different accents and ways of speech. My friend Julieta said something very briefly in Spanish to her friend a few days ago, and I got really excited about not being able to understand what she had said, weird as that sounds. I do really aim to learn a language before I go back to Europe though!

Biking is one of the biggest things I miss - I prefer it to driving so much. Having a car is definitely VERY necessary where I live, but I liked being able to bike through the little cobblestoned roads to get anywhere I wanted to go. I got on the bike at the gym and even that felt faintly familiar and reminiscent of Sweden to me.

I find myself feeling very scared that I'll forget Sweden ever happened. It's so easy to fall back into the DU routine - classes, RA duties, friends, etc - and forget that I actually really really changed as a person. I have all these huge experiences and amazing friends who live an ocean away, yet I'm in such a strongly familiar environment again. I keep looking at pictures and wishing I had more videos so I can hear everyones' accents again and flashback to when we would all hang out draped over the couches on top floor Spoletorp and talk about our days, always yelling and talking over each other in the best way.

There are things I am very grateful to have back, and things I really deeply miss about Sweden. Life does generally feel a bit less exciting here, but I'm strangely happy to be using my brain in school again. My classes are already challenging, but it's good to have something to focus on. I'll try to keep updating my feelings and experiences about being back!

The little things I have learned and loved in Lund

(Sorry in advance...there are a lot)

• My room will be messy no matter what country I'm in.

• The Dutch are extremely direct

• Yogurt is sold in milk cartons

• "Pants" in England means "underwear." Probably don't tell Alice about how you sometimes hang out around the house without pants on.

• "What's the craic?" (Sounds like what's the crack?) means "What's going on?" in Ireland. "How ya gettin' on?" is also a phrase commonly used by Kate

• It is easy to confuse fabric softener and detergent, or shampoo and conditioner, when all the labels are in Swedish

• Ikea is a giant maze of rooms you wish were in your house

• Birthday surprises are the absolute best. 

• Kate is going to win a Nobel Prize

• Swedish students are CRAZY drunks. They will not hesitate to shove you/dance crazily around you if you get in their path - and don't get too close, they might lift you over their head

• The beaches in Sweden are unreal 

• If Simon asks you to buy a shower curtain, don't accidentally buy a window curtain. Your Christmas present will be wrapped in it months later. 

• The Swedes and the Danes really like to combine many words together

• Biking is a way of life.

• Izas is tiny but fierce

• Shotgunning beers and red solo cups are a purely American entity.

• Everything is on a smaller scale - there are no Walmarts or giant shopping carts in the grocery store

• The Lund Cathedral is an incredibly calm place to sit, especially when you have a great friend like Kate with you.

• Anubhav always knows how much I love candy, ice cream and cake

• Linde's hair is a better person than all of us.

• If you try (and fail) to pronounce "paella," Lucia will laugh at you.

• Alba is the most wonderful cook (and singer :))

• Going without a towel for over a week is not enjoyable

• Few people love cats and dancing more than Alice

• New Zealanders (like Charlotte) have amazing accents that are impossible to understand at first

• Alice has perfected the worm face (sorry, but this picture had to surface at some point)

• Doing planks at parties is totally acceptable

• Fika in Sweden is actually a coffee break that Swedes take around the same time every day - for us it's whenever we feel like getting out of the house and hanging out together

• Don't plug your American heating pad into a Swedish outlet...you will nearly electrocute yourself

• Simon's Nation is the best place to have dance parties

• Gaelic (Garlic) football is wonderful - and soccer is popular pretty much everywhere but the US 

• Any dinner in our flat can be made more fancy by breaking out the candles. 

• Francesco loves chicken wings (the piece of skin under a woman's arm - ew)

• Jussi loves a clean kitchen

• Come up for a snack upstairs after going out may mean "we're going to cook literally every egg we can possibly find in the apartment" 
  
• The best thing you can do for a friend when they're sad is to be there, even when you have nothing to offer but your presence

• Three person windmill selfies are very difficult

• Gray weather takes some getting used to

• When there are class three storm warnings, it's probably best not to leave the house to go to yoga

• Alana is a fantastic dancer - but if she gets too hot in a club, she will give you all her spare pieces of clothing

• Halloween is a bigger deal in the US than anywhere else in the world - also candy corn is not a worldwide thing

• Ruben can always be counted on for a good after-bar conversation, sassy comments and face touching of course

• Warm beach days are a possibility in the South of Sweden

• If Bram is present at a party, you can count on getting drunk

Windmills are everywhere

• Anytime you say you haven't seen a movie, Anubhav will always say "Seriously??" 

• You can be fined 1000 krona for having someone ride on the back of your bike...oops

• Showing up at a sittning shared with business students dressed as the theme of "throwback" will definitely make you feel underdressed 

• The sound of a train outside my window is strangely peaceful. It's loud enough that it doesn't wake me up when I'm sleeping, but it's a comforting background noise. 

• Renate is queen of the selfie 

In her honor...

• Linde Crijns is impossible to pronounce for anyone who's not Dutch...therefore she is Linde Crumbs. 

• Lucia loves to be barefoot...much to everyone's disgust 

• If you're going to go to a nation/corridor party, it will probably involve biking. And you will probably lose whatever buzz you had by the time you get there, unless you drink an obscene amount. 

• Mathias is an encyclopedia of information

• Petrit is from Kosovo, a very new country with an exceptionally loud language 

• Jana and Sigrid are both wonderful bakers

• Though branching out is incredibly important while abroad, it's nice to have one person who fully understands your home country

• Forest picnics with Linde are a wonderful way to spend a day...even when you don't feel like leaving the house 

• Filmjölk is basically sour milk and should not every be bought.

• The friends you meet first will end up being some of the closest

• Thanksgiving obviously isn't celebrated in Sweden - but Thanksgiving cookies should definitely be a tradition.

• When you accidentally go to "alpingympa" instead of "gympastång" at the gym, you're going to have a bad time. Apparently it's for people already in good shape.

• The Little Mermaid in Copenhagen is incredibly touristy and a bit underwhelming

• However, the city of Copenhagen is amazing...and only 45 minutes from Lund (best explored with the Backpack Gang)

• If Linde likes a song, you're going to hear it on repeat for at least a week

• Unlimited Nachos Bar for 50kr = Paradise 

• You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted

• No matter how cliché, Wake Me Up by Avicii is the Lund song. No matter what we're doing, if that comes on we will all end up in a circle with our arms around each others' shoulders. 

• Kannebulle Day is the best day

• Conversations with Alice usually take place in the form of yelling across the hall or snapchat selfies from our beds 

• Sinterklaas is a Dutch tradition which involves candy in shoes, poems and sending children to Spain

• Peter is the best Sinterklaas ever

• Loyal to her country, Sigrid will not drink Dutch beer. 

• The ABBA museum causes extreme happiness and excitement from Alice and Izas

• Linde and Lucia are wonderful running buddies...in sun or SNOW and WIND

• Hashtags are a highly efficient form of communication

• Gangster rap made me do it 

• Sundays with Regina will always involve Harry Potter and delicious baked goods (usually apple crisp)

• Airmatresses CAN be blown up with vacuum cleaners

• Swedish films are very unique and sometimes shocking (AHEM Tilsammans)

• Being able to cook for yourself is a very important skill - and it helps to learn from friends

• Lucia will never turn down chocolate

• Alice finds it hilarious to grab people's bums while nice pictures are being taken 

• You know it's a good night when you're singing Adele in McDonalds before you've even gone out

• Bjarred Sauna is forever my happy place

• Sauna selfies in towels are a bit risky

• Slippery socks should not be worn on the stairs in Spoletorp - you will fall and bruise both your pride and your bum.
  

• Riding on the back of a bike will result in hitting your leg on a flowerpot and causing a bruise that lasts the entire four months of exchange...oops. 

• Spoletorp Family Dinners are the greatest

• Always take advantage of the free pasta at hostels

• Six hour train rides are well-spent when they involve flying, selfies and ABBA

• Running is the best way to explore Lund

• A Scandinavian sweater is a necessary item of clothing to own

• Sometimes it's nice to travel alone

• Triple-Bunkbeds do exist - and all three beds will be at a very awkward level

• Bartending is very stressful - even if it's just at Hallands Nation

• The System Bolaget is the only place to get alcohol in Sweden over 3.5%. It is fun to pick out all different kinds of beers, but it is not fun when you realize you have no alcohol and it's after 6pm (3pm on Saturdays). Also, the prices are really not fun. 

• If you need a pick-me-up while walking through the rain in Berlin at Christmastime, Gluwein is always necessary 

• Kate loves Christmas more than anyone else in Spoletorp

• Spoletorp 4th Floor's Christmas tree is the best Christmas tree (tack Kate)

• Being touristy while tired/hungover is exhausting.

• Sometimes cheese sandwiches are a necessary meal.

• If you throw leaves into the air while in the forest, it is entirely possible you will end up with a tick in your arm. Tack Jussi for the help :)

• Sometimes it's okay to feel like a total introvert

• ...But new experiences will make you feel stronger 

• It is possible to form a lifetime bond with an amazing group of people over the span of 4 months (or probably even less). 

Common Phrases in our household and how they originated: 

• "LTD" or "Living the Dream" said for pretty much anything - originated from Kate and her outlook on life 

• "See you in class" - Said when saying goodbye - originated from Linde and I running around the hometown party saying "tack för idag" or "see you in class" to anyone we saw, whether or not we knew them
• "BPG" - Backpack Gang. Originated from being in Copenhagen and hauling around our backpacks all day.

• "I am SO sorry" - originated from Linde's sincere use of the phrase 
• "P is P" - Pact is Pact - usually involves a pact for one of us (Kate) to drink
• "Are you real? I am real." - Originated from a very odd text conversation. 
• "Wooly" - Our word for bed, courtesy of Kate's grandmother

• "Fika boy" - Any boy that we like, might date, or really just any boy who comes into our lives
• "Took a hit" - Used any time someone is hurt, tired, or really for any occasion. For example "the BPG took a hit after partying at Brunnsbo/Herkules on Wednesday" or "Jean took a hit last night 

• "Should we ask? Or should we just do a dance?" - Originated from Linde's suggesting that we ask Jussi to DJ for us...or we should just do a dance
• "The Dungeon of Heat." - AKA our hostel in Copenhagen
• "Musligympa" - AKA Alpingympa AKA the hardest class at the gym. For people already in shape. 
• "Strong Independent Women." 

• "You are NOT a little girl" - Originated from Alice crying outside the bar when she couldn't get in and Bram yelling at her to stop crying
• "Sometimes I cuddle my neck pillow"
• "Motherfucker!" - Used as a greeting or term of endearment

• "Tak for koffe!" - Picked up somewhere in Stockholm 
• "Echt?" - The most commonly used word by the Dutch - translated means "Really?"
• "Tack så mycket!" - Thanks so much!
• "WWLD" - What Would Linde Do 
• "Gains" - In relation to the boys' obsession with the gym and protein powder

• "Varsågod!" - There you go/you're welcome!
• "The craic is ninety!" - Another wonderful Irish phrase 
• "Hej hej," "Tjena," "Hejsan." - All forms of greetings in Swedish which we overuse constantly 
• "The System" or "The Systemet" - Words used for The System Bolaget, or the only place to get alcohol in Sweden. "The System is Down" - also used when Americans are turned away for not having passports #discrimination
• "Face or number?" "4" "Face or number?" "Yes?"

• "Would you relax?!"
• "Hey Hey! Calma!" 
• "Key!" 
• "Tack för Idag" - "Thanks for today" in Swedish. Said pretty much any time of the day because it's one of the only Swedish phrases that many of us know.

I truly can't thank this wonderful group of people enough for turning Sweden into a second home. Going abroad was an experience completely out of my comfort zone, but the transition was surprisingly easy all due to the Spoletorp Family. Lund is a beautiful, cozy little city, and it was absolutely perfect for my abroad experience. At the same time, it wouldn't be the same to return to without this group of people living here. While I am incredibly sad to leave, I am grateful for these four months filled with experiences and friends of a lifetime. 

LTD

❤